Secret of the Questing Wood
intro
Davinia: Welcome to Questgiver! The contestants are going to be great tonight. Or they'll be shit. Honestly, I hope they're shit myself. Does that make me a bad person?
People always ask me: Davinia, as The Questgiver, don't you feel a responsibility to better the worlds that Varna Manor appears in? Feed the poor? Heal the sick? Perhaps bring a war criminal or two to justice? And my answer is always the same: I did not acquire this power to help other people. I acquired this power to help myself. (On the final word her eyes briefly become a shiny black (like a TV screen. She rise above the stage and floats high over high her throne, power rolling off of her like heat)
But that is not my role in this place, the Everseen Sanctum. Here, I judge would-be "heroes" on their ability to accomplish the utterly meaningless. Here, I fulfill my obligations to the Unseen Audience. And it's here that I am forced to work alongside an imp who pretends he was the escaped skyjacker known only as D.B. Cooper when everyone knows that the true identity of Cooper was exposed in XKCD #1400: Tommy Wiseau!
Jury's out on whether or not Mr. Wiseau shares any connection to Krudge, though...
(Dryly) Anyway, without further ado, here's Krudge.
(Krudge enters carrying a witch's hat)
Krudge: Hiya, Dame Davinia. I thought for this episode, maybe I could introduce Ajajh?
Davinia: Oh you did, did you? Did you ask her about this? You know she's shy. She has an anxiety disorder!
Krudge: Oh yes. Of course Dame Davinia, it's just... she's my pet. And I think she'd really like (insert contestant name).
Davinia: (sighing) Alright. But if she has a panic attack and causes a scene, you're washing the porcupine again tonight.
Krudge: Yes, Dame Davinia. (Turns to audience, clears throat) Without further ado, it is my great pleasure to introduce my wonderful pet: Ajajh the mimic. She's a little shy, so be nice.
(Krudge sets the witch's hat down, it flops to one side for a moment before shaking into an upright position and opening her eyes. Her brim undulates hypnotically as she floats over to meet the contestants)
Krudge: you can pick her up, but don't touch her or look where the hole on the bottom would be. That's where her monster bits are and she's rather protective of them.
(Once the contestants are satisfied with their interactions with Ajajh, Krudge continues)
Krudge: Alright, my sweet little monster baby! (Ajajh flits back to Krudge) Who's the best sentient accessory? You are! You are! Yes! I love you! (Smothers the hat in kisses)
Davinia: I think I might be sick. What's the Loot Quest this week?
Krudge: Right, this week we've asked the contestants to bring in:
Loot Quest
The item you would give to the party member most likely to get you killed
Endeavor of Adequacy
(Set in the Arcane Study)
Fill the Barrel
Get items into the barrel until it reaches capacity. Fewest objects in the barrel wins.
GM note: The barrel is roughly 3 feet tall and 2 feet wide. It has been enchanted to be extradimensional like a handy haversack or bag of holding. It can hold up to 5 times it's regular volume.
Jaunt of Jeopardy
Discover the secret of the Questing Wood
Find the treasure at the center of the maze. The Questing Wood is constantly changing. Trees and plants move, paths change, Quickest to find the center of the maze (fewest number of rolled attempts) wins. Any draws from Krudge's Sack of Desperation must be made prior to entering the maze and all items used must be from Krudge's Sack. Contestants must reach the center of the maze within 10 rounds.
Contestants will determine initiative order by rolling a d6. The player who rolls a one acts first, the player who rolls a 2 acts second. Ties will be resolved by a roll off.
GM Note: When a player takes a turn, they will declare their action (cast a spell, use an item, ask woodland creatures for help, etc) and roll to determine success. On a success, the contestant moves closer to the center of the maze, successes and they have completed the quest, On a failure, roll a d6 to determine a random effect from the following table:
1 The path closes - A mess of thorns, vines and roots grow across the path, preventing any progress.
2 Close Call - a platytaur stomps past but does not see the contestant...yet. The player may decide to attempt to get past the minotaurs or may forfeit their next turn to reteat up the path.
3 Snap back - a portal swirls open beneath the contestant's feet and they are warped to the entrance (they may draw from Krudge's Sack at this time)
4 Lucky Chance! - The contestant finds a treasure chest. Roll another d6, on an even the chest is a mimic, on an odd the chest contains one random item (roll on the table as Krudge's Sack table)
5 - Krudge sits at a small table with a tea set and a picnic basket and invites the contestant to sit and eat. Choosing to sit with Krudge will cost the contestant 5 roll attempts as he talks their ear off (feel free to withold that information until a dramatic moment)
6 - Secret treasure: a portrait of Davinia and Krudge sitting close to each other and looking fondly at each while Ajajh eats a bird on the rug in front of them. It's deeply weird, yet touching.
Note about early successes: If a 6 is rolled during rounds 1 or 2, the contestant discovers a shortcut directly to the center of the Questing Wood but they are slowed by the presence of three massive platytaurs who will disperse throughout the maze on round 3 unless engaged
Sudden Quest
Find Ajajh
Krudge's pet mimic, Ajajh has hidden herself among the following ten items from his Burrow:
- a witch's hat
- a treasure chest
- a magnifying glass
- a sundial
- A statue of a gnome lighting a blunt
- a pillow shaped like Davinia's face
- A sign that reads "When you're here, you're dinner.
- A tombstone that reads "Here lies Krudge. He died as he lived: covered in gallons of molasses. Big Bang - Big Crunch"
- An exact replica of Krudge made from gelatin
- The deed to Vandra Manor
GM note: Secretly roll a d10 to determine which item Ajajh is hiding as.